I don’t care who you are and what the state of your relationship is, DO NOT notify me of any betrothal or engagement to any person who is married.
Let us take a moment to be honest. Even a marriage with no children involve more than the husband and wife. In this world, where anything goes and the feelings and emotions of others don’t count, we all seem to have lost our freaking (what do you think I really wanted to say hear?) minds.
I am tired of gullible women gushing about their engagements to unfaithful louts. I refuse to put up with it! How the heck can you be THOROUGHLY PLEDGED (IN FAITHFULNESS & TRUTH) to one person and simultaneously give the same pledge to someone else?
Marriage is called tying the knot and wedLOCK for a reason. Do you really believe you’ll get faithfulness and truth from a liar? If you do, you deserve the hollow brass ring that lands on your finger. If you’re ready to be a side bride and a strife wife in deadlock wedlock, go right ahead and hook up with DR. NO. BEFORE YOU DO, HOWEVER, THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT IF HE’LL BE AN UNFAITHFUL LIAR TO BE WITH YOU, HE’LL BE AN UNFAITHFUL LIAR WHEN HE’S WITH YOU TOO. Go ahead and read the vows now (Yes, I’m serious, and think about all the people you’re entangling in your mess.
FULL TRADITIONAL WEDDING CEREMONY
Celebrant: We are gathered here today in the face of this company, to join together DR. NO and MONEY PENNEY in matrimony; which is an honorable and solemn estate and therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and soberly. Into this estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any one can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. Who gives this woman to be married to this man?Parents: We do.
Then the bride is given away (CLINK! CLINK!).
Celebrant to Groom: DR. NO, do you take MONEY PENNEY for your lawful wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
Celebrant to Bride: MONEY PENNEY , do you take DR. NO for your lawful wedded husband, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?
Bride: I do.
At this point the couple may improvise by playing a favorite song and/or reading. (I SUGGEST "WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LUST"?)
Celebrant: addressing the groom who repeats the marriage vows: I, DR. NO take thee MONEY PENNEY to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death do us part, and thereto I plight thee my troth.
Celebrant: then to the bride who repeats the marriage vows: I, MONEY PENNEY take thee DR. NO to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death do us part, and thereto I plight thee my troth.
The Celebrant then asks for the brides ring from the best man.
Celebrant: (about brides ring): May this ring be blessed so he who gives it and she who wears it may abide in peace, and continue in love until life's end.
Groom: placing ring on bride's finger: With this ring I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment.
Celebrant: (about groom's ring): May this ring be blessed so that she who gives it and he who wears it may abide in peace, and continue in love until life's end.
Bride: placing ring on groom's finger: With this ring I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment.
You may want to play a song or some music here (I SUGGEST "IN TOO DEEP").
Celebrant: May this couple be prepared to continue to give, be able to forgive and experience more and more joy with each passing day, with each passing year. DR. NO and MONEY PENNEY , are now beginning their married life together, we hope that they may have loving assistance from their family, the constant support of friends, and a long life with good health and everlasting love. In so much as DR. NO and MONEY PENNEY have consented to live forever together in wedlock, and have witnessed the same before this company, having given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and having declared same by the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife.
Celebrant: (to the couple): You may now seal the promises you have made with each other with a kiss.
Celebrant: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the loving couple, Dr. and Mrs. NO.
You are now WedLOCKED.
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